Back story first: I have a cat. Hang on. We have a ca.. …… My honey has a cat.
The cat is ok. I’m not really a cat person… but my child and my honey obviously can put up with them much better than I can. So… there is Marcel.
Marcel grew on me rather quickly. He really has acted more like a dog than a cat since we brought him home. This made me like him a little easier, and not want to kill him all of the time. The little fart even fetches. Now, Honey has him in training to stand on his hind legs like a human… and walk. He’s getting there… slowly…
Now, his training will more than likely be put on hold for a while, seeing as I have him scheduled for a visit to the “no more babies for Marcel ever” doctor in the morning. Thus… the result of this story.
We begin at work. A lovely day. Things are going by just swimmingly. Until I start to have this sticky feeling on the bottom of my foot. Not my shoe… my Socked Foot. It’s beginning to stick to my heel, and it’s rather noticeable.
Hang on. I forgot one tiny bit of relevant information….
This cat has always been a rather decent, law abiding citizen…Until this past weekend. Something happened to him and he went absolutely insane. He’s been growling at people, and hissing and just being down-right cat-like. It’s annoying.
Sunday evening… he felt the need to mark his territory in my nice (freshly carpeted) walk-in closet. I don’t know if any of you have an idea of what male cat spray smells like… but just think of stale ammonia and magnify it by ten thousand… then… I can attempt to start explaining to you what male cat spray smells like.
Animals don’t do that in my house. CATS especially.
So… the spray has been neutralized, and the cat has been locked out of the bedroom for 4 days now. He is NOT a happy camper.
Back to present day. I want to share with you the conversation I had with my honey just a while ago.
Me: Your cat put something in my shoe. I just now realized it because whatever it was, I have now squished and it is making my sock stick to my foot in that one spot. And it is quite annoying. After further inspection it seems to be the remains of a small critter or maybe an area in which he used as toilet paper. I am very angry at your cat right now…You are both very lucky that there is such a distance between him and I.
Honey: Teach him a lesson: have his balls cut off.
Me: I would like to cut them off myself!
While he watches.
Honey: Remind me to never poop in your shoe.
Me: I am afraid because of why I should have to remind you of that.
Honey: I regard the rules of society as merely guidelines.
Me: We will get along just fine.
Say… “I’m so sorry, Marcel”