Oh boy.. here it goes.
So, I’ve been confusing a few people in my life lately. And, instead of trying to explain it, I’m just going to write until my fingers stop. I would like to take this moment to say that I’ve had an epiphany. I think it required a few proverbial slaps in the face. …but I got it! I got it.
It got me…. Then, I got it.
It got got…and I got got.
……. Yeah, so…..
Um. I have just recently been convicted of something that I want to share with you beautiful people (beautiful people).
For those of you who aren’t fortunate enough to be able to hang out with me, let me give you a little background on me; I was born with my foot in my mouth. That’s it. That’s all you have to know. But, since you asked, I will detail a bit more….
I have always had this strong urge to control everything. It’s one hell of a trait. And, because I deal with it, it’s difficult for me to GIVE IT UP. What is the last thing someone in control wants to do?.... let go. So… here’s my deal… I fix things. I make things right. If something is teetering, I ‘tot’ it. Make sense?
The only problem here is that I am a constant failure. I can muck something up to the point of no return! The world doesn’t work like I think it does. If it did, we would all be bouncing on clouds, sucking pomegranates and arresting spiders. Maybe fluffing a few pillows…
It’s not my place to control things. I heard a pastor this past Sunday say one of the most profound things that I think I’ve heard in a while…
He said (and I’m not gonna quote him, because I’m gonna mess it up) something like this: Are you really narcissistic enough to believe that the whole world rests on your shoulders? It’s not your job to handle everything. You don’t have to be perfect. That’s not your job.
Ok.. so that really hit me. And, since Sunday I’ve been dealing with some inner demons over it all. Do you know how difficult it is to change a primary trait? It’s dang near impossible. I can sit here and encourage and inspire all day long. That’s what I do. It’s what I love… but, when it all boils down to it, I really have no right to tell you what you should be striving for when I can’t get my own self under control. See? Dang it. There’s that word again.
I think all I need is a simple lobotomy. HEY! .. I didn’t type that! I meant to say that all I need is a simple change in vocabulary. Psssshhhh!!... That sounds nothing like lobotomy. I think someone put something in my jelly beans. I also think that there’s a constant need for people to feel accepted and loved. When it all boils down to it, I think that’s it. Trust, honesty, love, patience, kindness, selflessness, loyalty… All of those things that don’t exist at one time. Why? Because we are human. But you know what? They do exist.
Perfection is a trap. Control is a trap. Keep your little mouse paws clean, and don’t get trapped!