Ok. Not really. One person asked me and a few more agreed. SO... since I'm so considerate and kind, I thought I would make a list of some random thoughts. Enjoy.
- Gas station bathrooms should only be entered if you are on fire or in a zombie movie, and there isn't another door or any open wilderness within miles.
- Something stuck in my teeth.. no toothpick. Ah! The corner edge of this business card looks like a ninja!
- If you are in customer service, this means you have chosen to give up your right to cell phone use while you are at work. Put yours down and help me with what I'm asking before we go find your manager and Donald Trump your inconsiderate, texting self.
- You can always guarantee that once you get the ear buds situated just right, the phone is going to ring.
- I finally find a great tasting "healthy" snack! ...Go back and it's nowhere to be found at the store (Nor does it exist in any other store within a 100 mi radius).
- Teach your kids all their youth to NOT put things in their mouth. Get some food stuck in your teeth? Here- use this small sliver of wood sharpened to the equivalent of a samurai sword.
- Life is too short to walk around looking like you've just been baptized in a vat of vinegar and you've lost your best friend. Smile! People subconsciously look for it, and it creates a ripple effect.
- That horribly loud and obnoxious sound that echos through your head when you chew ice and really crispy chips? ... yeah, I can hear it too.
- Finally get a moment of "me" time, run a HOT bath, lay back, relax, door bell rings. Every. Time.
- While in a public restroom, trying to fart without someone hearing is impossible and pointless because someone else always walks in as soon as the last person walks out. Stop trying to cover it up, you're gonna give yourself an aneurysm and you look like you're having a seizure while moving around trying to find the best position to keep it from happening.
- "Yes ma'am. We appreciate your business. Here is your receipt for the pre-paid $3000 casket and the $1500 funeral service. OH!.. Have a free pen! Nice doing business with you, please come again."
- Dentist finally gets jaw numb after the 4th try, starts drilling... wants to ask about how the family is doing.
- Just rubbed lotion on your hands.. someone immediately asks you to help them open a jar of pickles.
- I've got a pocket full of sunshine.
- Peel a sticker off the table that your child has so graciously placed there... half of the sticker stays on the surface and there is not a chemical known to man that can remove it.
- Take a sip of water.. ahhhh. Refreshing. Take a sip of wine, miss the mouth and it goes all down the new white shirt.
- Ear gets stopped up. Go to the doctor, doctor says not to use Q-tips in your ears. Start to leave after you're certain he has sucked out your WHOLE brain.. and he says "Keep them ears clean!" With what!? "Here's a small sliver of wood sharpened to the equivalent of a samurai sword." No thanks. I've got a paper clip that'll work just fine.
...To be continued.