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Friday, October 28, 2011

Have You Seen My Zombie? Part One

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

So, I need to tell you about the time that I almost died. I tell this story so that people may learn from my mistakes…and may, indeed, be prepared for situations in life similar to this. I hope and pray that you are never faced with a similar situation..but if you find yourself in a dark room filled with a cold chill running over your skin and the sounds of death pounding in your head…just remember one thing.

“Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and kills. The people it kills get up and kill.”

It was a great day..beautiful sunny weather, with a hint of a spring breeze. Humidity was not as strong as it usually would be. I had spent the whole day outside. I felt recharged from the vitamins the sun and my surroundings had given me. As I sat down with my favorite glass of Merlot, I pressed play on the DVD player. It was already getting late…but I had nothing to do the next I thought I would enjoy some “me” time.

Recent events in the news had given me a headache. The state crime lab had received an anonymous package three days ago. What they had believed was an important lead for a case, in fact turned out to be some new biological compound. No big deal, right? Only now…they were showing up in other states at random. One in Oklahoma, one in Iowa, one in Colorado and just today, Arizona. Nothing interesting to the idea (that they were reporting) other than the packages had been untraceable and the contents were being sent to Washington for further investigation. Frankly, I had been sick of hearing about it. So, I tried to avoid the news and radio at all costs.

Just as I sat my cup down from my last swallow of liquid bliss, I heard something outside. Dad had recently put up an electric fence around the small garden to keep the deer from eating our crops. On a nightly basis, there would be odd sounds at random moments from animals attempting to test the wire. As I got up from the couch to refill my glass, another sound permeated from outside. Obviously whatever was out there, was determined to get into that garden. After the fourth wail, I thought I should take a look. I needed some good entertainment. I put the movie on pause and walked over to the front door. Peering out of the diamond shaped window, my eyes began to scan the field. I couldn’t see anything. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I focused on one end of the fence then followed it inch by inch to the other side. Nothing there. At one point, I thought my peripheral had caught some movement on the west end of the tree line. But, after a second glance, all clear!..Whatever it was must have finally gotten the clue.

I walked to the kitchen and refilled my glass. It was going to be a great night. I had needed a relaxing evening for a while now. Life had gotten super crazy for me. As I rounded the side of the couch, another ZAP! sounded from outside. This was going to get so annoying!!... I raced to the front door, unlocked the deadbolt, twisted the knob and in one motion pulled the door open and flew out of the screen door. I swear I looked like Kramer off of Seinfeld. Standing on the front porch, I expected to catch whatever it was this time, but nothing! I scanned the field one more time, allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I saw it. A lump of something was laying on the far end of the field right under the fence line. Now, I’m not the brightest light bulb in the box..but I know that electric fence is NOT hot enough to kill anything. But there was definitely something laying motionless over there.

I walked inside and grabbed my Maglite, took another good sip of my wine and headed outside. This girl was gonna have a relaxing night. Walking across the field, I noticed an awful wretched smell, and it was getting stronger as I narrowed the distance between myself and the questionable lump. I’ve worked in the medical field long enough to notice certain smells. This one was untouchable! It was like a mix between ammonia, vomit and the local paper mill. It had a nasty brute odor that left a sting in my nostrils. Decomposition would be a walk in the park after this.

I pointed my light at the lump. Was that plaid? Red plaid? My brain was trying to decipher what I was actually looking at. I squinted my eyes and moved closer to inspect the puzzle. At this point, I had to concentrate every effort to not vomit. The smell had completely engulfed me to the point my eyes were burning. Blinking through tears from the burning, I leaned within just a few feet of the lump…the lump in my throat felt like it was the size of a grapefruit. It was a red plaid shirt. It was covering a mutilated and completely unrecognizable corpse. The only thing I could actually make out was the round shape of what may have been a head and the extremities, though contorted and disfigured were somewhat distinguishable.

My mind was going heart was pounding and racing to the point of near failure. I stood up and almost lost my balance due to the extreme situation and the fact that my right foot had fallen asleep. I felt in my pocket for my cell phone. All I could think was to call 9-1-1. It took three tries before my trembling fingers could pound the correct keys. Just as my thumb hovered over the send button, something caught my eye. The amount of fear that coursed through my body cannot be described. The flush of blood through my body was close to what I would assume would be the feeling of getting an IV full of Clorox! My whole body froze. I was paralyzed.

The red plaid shirt and heap of human decomposition…. Just sat up.

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