My mind was racing through every zombie movie and horror story I could think of. There was no other way to describe it, right? Those two things in my front yard were zombies....weren't they? Well, I certainly wasn't going to stop and ask one to properly identify itself. I'm not as stupid as I may appear. In the movies, the dumb ones always die first...and in this case..I was the only one. So, I had to play it smart.
I stopped right outside of the bedroom door. I steadied my breathing so I could listen for any sign of movement in the house. At this point, my chest was burning. I knew I had cracked a rib. It felt like I had inhaled glass. And, my left hip was agonizingly painful. I couldn't really remember what I had done other than land on it...but there's no telling what I landed on..and I didn't have time to deal with that right now.
After a minute of convincing myself that all was clear, I took a deep breath and looked around the corner. Nothing but empty hallway. I took the first few steps and stopped. Listened. Started walking again. I wish someone could have seen me. It was awesome. I was sooo Angelina Jolie-ing this whole situation. I picked up the pace and thought to myself...where are my keys? That may be something that I need to figure out before I get too close to the door.
In my mind I was trying to replay the last time I had them. Kitchen table..right? Let's hope so. Maybe I was making this into too much of a big deal. If the retard outside couldn't figure out how to get out of an electric fence..then maybe I didn't really have anything to worry about. I was just being myself. I was playing the situation up way too much.
I walked across the living room to the kitchen. No keys. Where had I put those dang things!? Looking back around to the kitchen, I searched the counter and the big bowl on top of the bar with my eyes. My mind was going crazy. Maybe I put them in my purse? But it was in the car. I wouldn't do that. My poor glass of wine looked so alone. Not even touched really. It needed comfort...I took a good sip. ahhhhh... While I'm taking a break, I might as well look and see where the zombies were. That may be of great use to me when I start out of the door to my car (that I had no way to start). I walked over to the door. Slowly, I peeked my head out of the diamond shaped window..as if I would be any less obvious.
Scanning the field and front porch...I could no longer see anything. Not even a lump. And come to think of it..I haven't heard a ZAP! in a while. Where did they go? ....My mind started spinning. Ok.. It was time to stop playing super girl. It was time for Auntie to get the hell outta the house and find a phone. I turned and started walking through the kitchen to the back door when it hit me!.. My baby girl was playing "take mommy to the store" yesterday in her room. She had my keys to start her car! I spun around and headed back down the hallway to her room. I walked in the door and clicked the light on. Once again...I heard the hallelujah chorus..there they were.
I grabbed the keys and spun around to leave. I felt like I had won the lottery! Obviously the hallelujah chorus was singing loudly enough that I didn't hear the door open. My heart stopped the moment I heard the TV cut on. How in the world did I pause the movie at THAT moment? *Note to self: Don't watch any more Saw movies while alone. And if you do, do NOT pause it right before the girl gets cut in half by the giant skill saw. The screaming was not the most inspirational thing to hear at this moment.
I immediately backed myself against the wall...which, by the way... Why do people do that? Is it really going to matter? I'm still going to have to deal with this thing..back against the wall or not. But... Angelina does it a lot..so it's gotta work, right?
I could hear the grumbling and the slurping of saliva. I could smell the pungent barrel of decay mixed with the almost sweet stench of acid. It made me want to throw up. It would take me weeks to get that smell out of my house! This thing was going down. I really wanted to lead him outside, though. It was gonna be hard enough getting the smell out of the furniture..but once I loaded him with buckshot...it was going to get messy, too. See? I think about things like this. The wheels are always turning.
I inched around the door frame, making sure to keep my back to the wall. I peeked my head around the edge of the living room wall and there he was. Lighting really did NOT help the situation. There he stood, staring at the TV, his foot on the TV remote...looking like an idiot. The front door was to my immediate left and that was a good thing. I could get to it before he did. But that meant that I would have to run all the way around the house to get to the car. No problem..I can do it. I have weapons!!
Good thing I had a pocket full of ammo for the pistol. The group of zombies rounding the end of the house was not a pleasant surprise. This was not in the plan. Not one bit.