Just Blah

The "blah" mood. Can't be good. Monday + Blah Mood = T.N.T

I didn't sleep real well last night. My mind was filled with questions and uncertainty. I hate those nights. Usually, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to analyzing a situation. I can over-analyze the reason a fruit fly is sitting on a banana. It's what I do. Deep thought. Questions run rampant in my mind, anyway. Most people who really know me, know that I'm generally always thinking.

I'm not quiet often. But when I am, it's because I'm angry, or I'm thinking. And, when I say "angry" I mean; spit fire, horns out, watch it- angry. I tend to say what's on my mind (if you want to know it or not), so when I'm angry AND quiet...whew!

I'm not angry today. I'm thinking.

Wondering.

How can you trust your own decisions? Do you always make the right choice? If not, how do you deal with the ramifications of failure? Don't get me wrong. I'm not doubting myself for anything.. I'm just thinking. ..out loud, kinda.

People talk about trust. Trust in your spouse. Trust in your family. Trust in your faith. I think the single most important level of trust, is Trust in yourself. We are our own, worst enemy. I can be harder on myself than any one person, dog, President or alien out there. I'm the hardest to trust, the hardest to forgive and the hardest to love... myself. OH!.. Don't forget.. the very first to doubt!

I think faith is the key. Trust and Faith run hand-in-hand. But there IS a difference. Think about it. I can trust myself to take the first step across the balance beam. That gives me the "umph" to start. To take initiative. Once my foot hits the beam, I can have Faith that I will make it across. I can believe in me.

But what happens if I fall? What happens when I fail, even with all of the faith and trust I have in myself?

Sure, I will brush myself off and start again... I can do it. I will do it. I won't stop until I do....
But, wouldn't it be nice to have a helping hand? A smile at the end, full of encouragement and cheer.
After all... I can trust them. Can't I?